"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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