he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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