I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
