"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize