I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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