drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
