eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
