dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
