I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
