I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
