Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She bit a glass in half.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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