Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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