Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
