I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
