you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
