i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
