woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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