You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
