Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i think my cat just said my name.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
