so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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