it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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