Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
