I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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