My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
