I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
