I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
