So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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