he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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