the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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