if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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