She's JV to your varsity
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize