PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
