If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
either way he was missing a nipple.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
