btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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