I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
