Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
