we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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