i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
