He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize