I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
