there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
