An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
as a side note pls kill me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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