i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
