reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
