ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
