I need to stop coming to work sober
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
