Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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