She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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