we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
