Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
