I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
