she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Operation Purity has been aborted
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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