I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
