my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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