I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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