How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize