Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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