So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
