I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
