So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
