hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
