he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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