2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
