My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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