so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
