do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
