I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
