how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
