Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
