I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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