Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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