see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
