Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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