I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
