my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
