Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
