ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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