her vagine was all disorganized.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
