i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have grass duct taped all over my body
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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