i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
