we need to drink 2009 down the drain
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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