you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
