But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
