I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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