We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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