Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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