HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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