Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize