I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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