So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
