Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
