I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize