that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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