I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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