Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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