I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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