I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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