Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
