Moan for me like Helen Keller
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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